92 Comments
Sep 10Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Excellent piece!

Todd, you and I are probably about the same age..

I remember in Grade School, track meets between neighbouring schools in east end Toronto...

We would only receive ribbons, 1st/2nd/3rd, but, of course, no "participation" awards, as these were competitions.

Being a tall kid, I worked my ass off to ensure I won something...

And I did.

Not always 1st or 2nd, but I would always come away with at least 3 ribbons.

At the time, they meant something, and still do.

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Sep 10Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

I very much agree with your post. I grew up in the Midwest in a farming community before “everyone receives a medal” mindset as my parents instilled sacrifices and care for our family/ community as a priority value.

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Sep 10Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

gotta be the contrarian. as usual. the wee differences that make us unique ARE to be celebrated. i can't imagine the creator designing agreeable drones, tripping over each other in agreement, as the model for enlightenment. social engineering, not the individual, is the stinky pig in the bathroom. (huh?) it's extremely hard to see what public schooling has achieved. what it was designed to achieve. just as hard as it is to accept the idea that ALL relationships should be voluntary.

as for a big banquet lets do it. i can cook food. and many others can cook food. we all eat food. it's a match made in heaven!

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Narcissism...wrapped in a virtue signalling box with a gaslighting bow on top..... 🎁

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

My husband had a chaotic childhood. Very little instruction from his dad (we won’t talk about his mom), so he created his own rules about how things should be. He looked to our marriage to fulfill all his needs-a noble goal, to be sure, but unattainable. It took me 15 years to tell him that it wasn’t my job to MAKE him happy, and it wasn’t his job to MAKE me happy. Everyone is responsible for his or her own state of happiness. He finally heard it.

The problem I see in society today is that all feelings and mental states are (supposedly) dependent on input from outside sources. Outside sources are inconsistent and unreliable. You either know who you are or you don’t, and if you don’t…

I’m afraid for my grandkids. It’s not a good world we’re leaving them, societally speaking. I’m not worried about the physical world. God will protect his creation, and it’s not as fragile as some seem to think. But good people will suffer as the scum rises to the top

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

100% agree with you, Todd, regarding "processing" the experience of the suicide of a loved one.

Plus, after reflecting further on my family situation outcome, I recall distinctly that they weren't the first I'd hear of, but they were early in what later became a commonplace landslide, and, it was still a major shock contributing to lifelong psychological disarray.

I think, probably, there was a time people, in general, tried harder and longer to work things out.

I know my parents gave it their best and most, in fact, our whole family engaged in weekly psychoanalytic therapy for at least 7-years.

It was almost as if I participated in a master class in it!

Most don't have such fortune or opportunity.

I'm grateful for the experience.

Cheers to all, and thank you for your acknowledgements.

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

As Jordan Peterson has said, equality of opportunity is what we must strive for, not equality of outcome. Enjoyed your post!

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Very good read today, Todd, Although it's not really news in a sense. In a sense it is. And though my primary focus is to link news in four primary areas, I still link good opinion pieces. Always have and will continue to do so. Linking today @https://nothingnewunderthesun2016.com/

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Sep 9·edited Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Thank you, T.H. for your writing and for bringing forth a very ripe topic!!! I opine that narcissism is essentially parasitic — a need that feeds on a host. Self feeding on Other, Self feeding on Self, without true benefit to either the Host nor Parasite. It is not true self-centeredness, because a Narcissist is not truly in selfhood. Constant deceit, attention-seeking and power-seeking is actually a tail-chasing (eating) endeavor which leads one further and further astray from selfhood. The cup never runneth over — it is a leaking shell than needs constant refilling. And worst, the insecurity and defensiveness creates War — across the dinner table, across cultures, across continents and oceans.

Narcissists suffer from an endless need for (in lingo) “supply” of affirmation and service to…what, if not really to themselves? To something larger and more nefarious. 'Evil', if you will. I think that we the people have been deliberately conditioned into a vast servant society, to serve a greater Parasite. And this entrainment and subsequent drain of all good and natural energy has been going on a long time. Not for generations, nor centuries, but for millennia. The question is: what/who is the Evil that is being 'supplied'? Hmmmmm…. My speculation at this point is that it is simply external Authority. The supreme parasite.

All narcissists crave and seek Authority over others. Endless dominion. Yet they serve a greater Authority, a greater dominator. Narcissists are, in fact, expressing trauma-based adaptations. The authority assumed is false. The dominion is tenuous, depending on willing blindness and service. Some one (I cannot remember who!) once said: “If you desire to write truth then write fiction.” So, I will say that some science fiction writers may have come close to an explanation. C.S. Lewis’ “The Space Trilogy” is allegorical to this point. More recently Philip Pullman’s “The Golden Compass” and sequels. Both authors point to false Authority.

So who/what is this false Authority? I cannot say. But I do recognize its structure, and the Priest Classes that serve it. Through the priests and misguided/duped respect for them, it has hijacked human truth, spirit and energy. The designs are myriad. Organized Religion. Government. Medicine. Science. Finance. Entertainment. To harken to J.R.R. Tolkien, I ask what is Precious now? What can we not seem to look away from, put down or live without? Technology in every aspect of life. All are part of a nefarious Authority to which we believe we need and to which we are in bondage.. The priests are everywhere, from the more soldier-like base-level priests, to the on-high initiates.

There is great 'Sin' in our world. Strictly speaking the Latin origin of sin is ‘without’ or ‘lack/ing’. We have been deliberately, gradually, and with full intent led into a prison without health, objective truth, self-sovereignty, natural creativity and heart-mind. Was this Authority a ‘natural’ development within ‘Homo sapiens’ — via frontal lobes — which fostered such lust for domination and supply? Was it handed down like an unsought legacy such as in the concept of ‘original sin’? I doubt both ideas now. I tend to think that the origin of our sin is sourced in the external, but has so permeated us for countless generations that most are entirely lost in a labyrinth. This is trauma-based mind control and enslavement in the ultimate. No surprise that narcissism in rampant.

How do we heal from and oppose the toxicity we have absorbed from external evil? I believe that the answer is within us. Tolstoy stated the the kingdom of God is within us. If ‘god’ represents physical/mental health, self-sovereignty, natural creativity and the power of heart-mind, then actually relocating, reindentifying and examining our own values and principles represents the path. This journey can only spring from facing our own real needs and obligations as they pertain to ‘Mother Earth’, as well as our most basic fears and petty desires. Not from relying on the external. This travel is way too frightening…and perhaps even impossible…for most to even consider. And yet, perhaps there can be a return and reversal by the few which can be “like the small stones that start an avalanche” (Tolkien). By summoning our own power we step out of the Victim model. On the other hand, perhaps we need to be pushed a bit further into the trap of Authority before we realize that the only key for escape is to be found within.

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Great article ….as always😊 … We humans have a great need to stay alive, which is how suppose to be, so when science of medicine and pharmaceutical miracles started to be available and recommended to survive, to be healthy, to “extend a life” - we are taking it, we depend on it we are ok with it ….cause without it we …. “we would die” or …..we would have to get close to the nature to search for what we lost and what us available to really stay alive ? And yes, “god knows” (or rather “evil knows”) what really is in vaccines, tables, liquids etc etc and how these affect us mentally and physically… For sure all of it is an experiment, which works sometimes e.g stops headache 🤕😅, but generally creates all of these “emotions” which You put in that picture at the beginning of this article….

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Beautifully written and expressed Todd. There is so much of all this craziness whirring around in my head - you have helped settle it all down and bring it into focus. Thank you, once again, for clearing the muddy waters so that we can see, with clarity, exactly what story is being played out. A new (more frightening) socially acceptable version of narcissism is exactly what it is!

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Thanks again, Todd, for sharing your mighty prolific and insightful gifts!

"So what happened to relationships where each participant has some obligation and duty to the other? What has happened in families where there used to be tolerance for differences, and flexibilities regarding each member’s needs? What happened to communities where people all work together for common goals in decency, character development, moralities, and good citizenry? (And I don’t mean common goals such as mask wearing, social distancing, or vaccinations.) It’s all gone, or so it seems."

Perhaps they never were/it never was.

Since the domestic occupation psyop began, I've realized none of what was, was what I thought or believed it to be.

I was always doubtful. Events convinced me.

And, I only have to reflect on two events in my own life that demolish my own tendency to idealize: my parents divorce and my wife's suicide.

I think our memories are a bit faulty.

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

The paradox is that when you stand up for your God-given rights, they will accuse you of being selfish.

We were brought up with the principle that we have individual rights. But winning a prize, "feeling unique", and never feeling "unsafe" are not among those rights.

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

Todd, you have hit the nail on the head with a BOOM! It is just crazy. I swear that this is all done to confuse most people and of course, get most people into the submission box. Now at some universities in Ontario, they are segregating those of black/brown skin to a different orientation day. Is this not the reverse of the racism they faced and fought for? Baffling. I also read that a yoga class was offered only to black/brown skinned folks to be more inclusive. That is not reality. We live in a multi-cultural society. So many today are thin-skinned and take everything as an insult. Schools literally indoctrinate our children. We need to break that wall down for sure but we need to enlighten parents first of the cold reality.

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

On point essay! Thank you!

Perhaps I can just add a few thoughts.

We live in an age of rapid change – very worrying and destabilising unless we have a firm foundation. The old blood and thunder foundational religions of heaven and hell at least gave us a direction – a path through life’s confusion.

We also used to have the discipline of basic universal expectations – no work, no food or future. There was no time or opportunity to be overwhelmed by choice – we, and every one of our peers, had to get on with life – its mundane tasks and humble personal ambitions. Not a brilliant life but no time to be too neurotic or shallow and with few criticising us for being a ‘failure.’

Not only do I guess that we have been deliberately directed into shallowness and neurosis but it’s difficult to find any accessible good examples of those who have got their lives together and are beaming their enlightened, problem solving good will to all.

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Sep 9Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP

After my husband made a comment about something being better than something else, my sister-in-law replied “nobody can say anything is better than anything else.” To which my husband replied “So would it be better if I stopped saying that?” To which she replied “Yes” - not being smart enough to notice the self-stultification.

A good way to test her idiotic theory would be to invite her to dinner. We would have prime rib, but serve her cat food. Her belief system would surely crumble into ashes.

If you really listen, you can easily challenge illogical opinion. A couple of examples from our life:

Friend: “Nobody can make a definite statement about anything.”

My husband: “Including the one you just made?”

Friend: “There are too many rules. We should throw out all the rules.”

My husband: “Is that rule number one?”

Karl Popper described the paradox of tolerance as “in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must be intolerant of intolerance.”

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