The Blind Pursuit of Fun and Happiness

Since when did the purpose of life become the insatiable quest for happiness, and of course, the fun that makes a human happy? Whatever happened to purpose, fulfillment, and meaning? I think people have this false idea that if they succeed in their primary directive of being happy, the fulfillment, purpose and meaning will follow—that those three objectives are natural results of being happy. Who told them that? If anything, I think they have it the wrong way around, but I think it goes deeper than that, i.e., I don’t necessarily think that living a meaningful, fulfilling, and purposeful life brings “happiness”—at least not the way most people define happiness. It would probably be more appropriate to say that sort of life would bring peace, fulfillment, and contentment. Yes, an overall sense of happiness would result. But I don’t think that is what most people these days mean when they say they want a “happy life.”

Why is it that parents always say to their children, when push comes to shove, “I just want you to be happy”? Why can’t they say instead, “I just want you to have a life you find meaningful”? Wouldn’t that work better? It sure sounds better to me.

I see a lot of young people in my practice. Now, it is understood that the population I see feel the need to come to a therapist. But it also says they have the wherewithal to know they could use some help. Most of them are very high functioning but are dealing with bouts of depression, anxiety, and yes, meaninglessness. But they typically don’t know about that last one. That complaint is usually reserved for the older clients, the ones who have had some success in life monetarily, have the children that was supposed to make them happy, and suddenly find themselves wondering what it was all about.

What is the meaning of life? Well, you don’t have to go to the mountaintop and live in a cave for five years to figure that one out. Life’s meaning is found just in the living of it. It is up to you how you do that. The question you CAN find by contemplating your navel in that cave is “what is my purpose?”—although you don’t have to spend five years on a mountaintop to glean that one.

But what of this “happy” stuff? It seems many people think that the purpose of life is to be happy. So what is happy? Again, it seems that these same people think happiness is derived through having fun. Drilling down one more level, what is fun? Now there’s a question for you! Fun is about as varied as any definition imaginable. Today, it seems again that fun is rather limited—usually having something to do with sports (maybe this only applies to men?)—pop music concerts, video games, drinking, partying, and/or drugging. Sex used to be fun, but it doesn’t seem to hold the same appeal anymore. I guess porn could be fun for some, but that activity seems to be more of a necessary evil since real sex with a real live girl has too high a price tag. (I am referring to the male of the species here, since the majority of porn use is reserved for that gender—or whatever we are calling it these days.)

The pursuit of happiness, while seemingly desirable, can become a paradoxical endeavour. Often, the more desperately one seeks happiness, the more elusive it becomes. Pursuing happiness as a constant state can create a cycle of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Philosopher Viktor Frankl stated, "Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself." This sentiment reflects the idea that happiness is a by-product of leading a meaningful and purpose-driven life.

Another issue with the exclusive pursuit of happiness lies in its tendency to promote superficiality and shallow experiences. The relentless pursuit of momentary pleasures and external validation can lead to a shallow existence, devoid of depth and substance. Research on hedonic adaptation suggests that humans have a natural tendency to adapt to positive experiences, causing the initial burst of happiness to fade over time. This phenomenon can create a constant need for new stimuli to maintain happiness, leading to a perpetual chase that often leaves individuals feeling unfulfilled. The pervasive insistence of “instant gratification” raises its ugly head once again. I never let go of this one because it is also always present in my life. I know it well.

In contrast to the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of meaning and purpose offers a more sustainable and profound approach to life. When individuals engage in activities that align with their core values, contribute to something greater than themselves, and connect with a sense of purpose, they experience a deeper sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. As philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche aptly stated, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." That’s a good one, eh? Research supports this notion, indicating that a strong sense of purpose is associated with various positive outcomes, such as increased well-being, resilience, and longevity.

So what is missing from everyday life in our current culture that would promote this more noble pursuit of meaning and purpose? Gone from the modern scene are hobbies of any sort, or any serious artistic pursuit, playing an instrument, carving a sculpture, painting a picture, or even reading a book (other than Nora Roberts—no offense intended, Nora). I used to collect stamps (yes, I was/am a nerd—I still dabble in philately occasionally) and even collected insects at one point—as well as tropical fish. And believe me, that was fun! Fun today seems to have an important visceral element to it, an intense physicality that causes the flow of adrenaline and dopamine. Sure, that is a certain kind of fun. But there are other kinds that appear now to be lost to time.

What I am getting at here is an overdependence on instant gratification (as mentioned earlier). Behavioural mastery is no longer the driving force that compels people to do things and find “fun” in the doing. Fun is too strong a word for that sort of thing. In the past, the word “enjoy” was more acceptable. Fun was reserved for moments of wildness that were not too frequent for a variety of reasons. The word “enjoy” connotes meaning and purpose more than the word “fun.” It looks as if we have lost that, too.

Mom’s only wish that we be happy is nice, but it really doesn’t hold much weight. The wish, as I said earlier, should be for contentment, meaning, and a sense of purpose. As I said, the meaning part is a no brainer (in my opinion) the purpose part will take some work. And I can guarantee you, you won’t find it when you are partying, or playing a video game, or laying on the couch watching a hockey game.