I will speak only for myself here because I am sometimes quite weird, and many of my feelings and emotional responses to things seem entirely unique in some way. I will share this with you just in case some of you might be realizing similar things. I feel like I have glaucoma of the spirit and the world is slowly fading away. The worst part of this is I don’t really care. I am obviously angry about what is happening in the world. I spew out all these words about it in my articles. I am in the game, engaged, willing to work hard to do my part. But my personal world is fading, and again, I don’t seem to care. Anyone else feel the same way?
It feels like I live in a Twilight Zone episode. We have a small cabin in Minden on a lake. I have known most of the neighbours for decades and last year was absolute vaccine apartheid. They wouldn’t speak to us and avoided us like the plague. They all got together for social events and we were left by ourselves - absolute scapegoats. This year, even though vaccine mandates are dropped and everyone can freely associate, they still avoid us. So now the bandwagon concept is fully active. They are part of the vaccinated tribe and to be the one to break that and talk to us, probably feels too dangerous. They had to avoid us last year because the TV told them we could kill them, and now if they included us, they would have to admit that they were wrong. But that would make their behaviour inconsistent indicating that they were crazy -and we can’t have that! So they keep the psycho drama going. They would rather be stupid than feel stupid.
Also, we attended an amateur production of Mama Mia in Bancroft the other day. It is a very fun show, but I was choking back tears just experiencing how much of the normal joy of life has been destroyed by the luciferian death cult that seems to run the world. The world feels like a cosmic madhouse.
I believe most shrews have similar experiences and feel more or less the same. Like Mark, who posted before me, I also lost my job for not being "vaccinated". Most of the friends and activities I have lost have not been because they "explicitly" told me I was "unclean"... but there is an implicit fear of socializing, going to places... Like you, Todd, I have lost a lot of interest in going to concerts, restaurants..restaurants, etc even after they have become "less restrictive".
You asked if others felt as you. Yes, it's as if taste for life has become stale and not worth the chewing. I practiced medicine for 32 years and in Feb was fired for not vaxxing or wearing a mask. Cold fury is hard to swallow.
Me too Todd.. although Stratford is up and running, and I used to go regularly, when I read “we respectfully request, in order to protect the actors, you wear a mask” I loose all interest. HOWERER, a friend went recently to see Hamlet and tapped her neighbour on the shoulder to ask if he minded if she didn’t were hers, to find him also barefaced!
You are not alone. Although this is the most meaningful event of my life, it has erased so many other forms of meaning that I too float through the days like a ghost. Often now I forget what happened, in a very cursory way, but enough so that when I start to berate myself about my isolation, the memory of the world returns like a small comfort that then pierces the heart.
I think a sense of betrayal is at the root of my own reluctance to "rejoin" society, as well as the frequent need to stand sideways and pretend to be part of the program. I always thought that in some sense the Spirit could act through institutions, and be aligned with various creative endeavors. Now I harbor no such delusions. My God turned out not to be one of compromise.
I know no one in person who shares my views -- not that I know of, anyway. I am haunted right now in particular by the absence of my former best friend who joined with the other people in our social circle to ostracize me for my position. He has moved to a new house and I am afraid I have taken to driving by it when I am out, and wondering what was amiss in my mind all those years -- my notion of what it means to love someone, or what people need to stay sane. The word that comes to my mind regarding the shrew position is anomie...perhaps it is time to revisit Camus. We must somehow find meaning. Please do keep sharing your experiences.
My situation is similar. No real friends left-- real in the sense of true, and also meaning 2D+, although I truly value those online and not-yet-met personally.
Those with whom there was interaction and history seem to be reporting from another dimension now, similar to this one but lacking in detail, texture and perceptual depth. Or that’s how I see it. Curiosity has been trained out of them, very fine filters installed, and everything said is non-essential. That’s me being intolerant. I’m really not interested in being around them.
Either, I should say, since there aren't any invitations.
What has shocked me most is the “I do not want to know” attitude of my peer group— professional communicators with epic world experience within the concrete silo of contemporary art practice. The entire professional scene is overwoke, obsessed with self-image, careerism, identity politics and begging for stronger censorship laws against right wing racist delusional antivaxxer bigot idiot science deniers like me.
Glad this is the private space.
For decades I engaged in sociopolitical topics with installation and performance works.
PANOPTICON, a dance/audiovisual collaboration at the Winchester St Theatre in Toronto, was a response to 911. I used a video system borrowed from a shopping mall to cover every part of the theatre with surveillance cameras, projected live onto screens, TVs on-set, the performers… A soundscape rotated around the room— even under the seats--from speakers everywhere. Choreography for 12 dancers by Bill James. And so on. I’m still proud of it. It had great reviews in major outlets, was rated in the top 10 theatre events of the year, and everyone, forewarned, went home and got on with their lives...
I moved to the East coast after several more shows because I could see and feel it all worsening, had lost any thoughts of making a difference, and wanted to hunker down with people who knew what bullshit was and how to live without it. Covid showed I was a bit delusional about that, as it turned out; the recalibration is ongoing.
All that to say that expanding effort to influence, to help, to alter what looks inevitable unless more wake up is exhausting, and the dull feeling one has when the response is inaction, silence, or fear— anger, derision, diffidence and that whole spectrum— the sane response is to shut down and regroup, whether the impulse is rational or instinctive.
I don’t care if I ever make another work or do another show, or talk to another artist or even see another gallery or theatre. Not caring is quite liberating. It's the serenity prayer --the wisdom to know the difference between what can and can't be changed.
I’m really enjoying reading essays and articles, listening to talks and interviews, and communing on substack. Maybe that’s weird, but that’s the way it is, a bizarre situation, and, although I’m still attempting to withold belief from the idea that the sky is falling, I’m spending more time filling pantry shelves with home grown condiments (whatever happens, there will be pickled beets) (with rosemary and juniper berries) than art work.
I can’t stop being, thinking, doing, but there is no longer an outlet for my output unless I’m willing to self-censor, recant and inject, OR build some independent way and means, which is such a fun and crazy idea I’m considering building a sculpture to live in my house because I’ve assembled most of the materials and why should I stop because they aren’t interested? Belligerence can also work for you.
It is all fairly hilarious if you can, even momentarily, get irrationally Buddhist about it.
In Buddhist practice, it’s all an illusion and compassionate detachment is sublime. All those things are true.
Aug 27, 2022·edited Aug 27, 2022Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP
I feel mostly the same as you here. Maybe even worse. I lost any purpose in life since months if not years. But for sure since the "convid" hysteria started I feel like I'm dead inside without anything that could improve or help how I feel about it. Seeing what the world outside had become makes me sick. Not only the convid crap shit, but everything that turns around. People just took back their lives just like nothing happened and with everyday a tiny bit of their freedom getting away, like a grain of sand getting away into the wind that is soon becoming a storm. But they don't see it. They don't give a shit about it. We are crazy because they don't want to ear about our warnings. We are fools. I don't want to see these people anymore, just acting like puppets unaware of the reality of the world they're living in (they seem to love that life anyway). Well, I never was a very sociable person, I never felt at my place in this society, but since 2 years, I became completely unsocial. I stay home doing my stuff without any purpose, just waiting time to pass and the end to come. Most of the time I wish I'd never awake on the mornings. What for? Why would I want to wake up? We're clearly entering a dystopian era in the total indifference of the masses. Everything is under control, laws, duty, mandatory, prohibited. Cameras are everywhere. After all, if we have nothing to hide, why would we care (irony)? The trend is now to be vegan, to drive a trottinette (Not sure the English word here?? Google translates this by "Electric scooters"), to be a climate goer, a tolerance goer (while spitting on those who thinks otherwise), spitting on white straight men (we are responsible of all the misery of the world. Some loves to flagellate themselves) and so on. If we drive our car, we are ashamed by the community, we are destroying the planet, same goes if we use a plastic bag and a plastic drinking straw (carboard straws are so "great". Joking, it's awful). I live in Brussels and believe me, you don't want to go here anymore. Please, tourists, don't come here anymore, the city is dead, nothing attractive here anymore, they killed it during the past 5 years. When I see what they did to my city I want to cry. Car is banished, they almost grow beets on the streets... when you're not hit by a trotinette around vegan shops. They cut the trees for the climate (!). We are guilty, we are infantilized. Well, that's all for now. People hate me because I'm always so "negative". But how could you be positive when you see what the world is becoming outside? To me, it's like a awakened nightmare and it's getting worse everyday. I am an hypersensitive person, so I feel things deeper than anyone else. And this is becoming unbearable. To my opinion, the asocial medias have a great responsibility for all of this shit. They're all like junkies unable to stay away of their phones taking selfies and photos of their diner while creating insane polemics for someone that didn't fart the proper way. Those people are the "normal" people now. I want to puke. I feel stuck, I suffocate without any chance of getting outside of this. Phone-like technology is killing humanity. The covid didn't kill me (Yes, I had it, not much of a big deal...) but the convid is killing me day after day.
I'm sorry to hear how you're struggling! I just wanted to say I think you put into words beautifully what a lot of people, myself included, have been feeling. Given your background, Im sure you know all the cliches and solutions to try to ignite the fire of your soul... so all I wanna say is your Shrews support you !! Don't let "the machine" swallow you from the inside out
I’m north of the border in Penticton for Ironman tomorrow. If you were here coffee would be on me and I would try not to say repeatedly how honored I would be to meet you.
I get the graying out of what once was so enjoyable, and the incarnation reference to a right on. I’m a police officer and have had to take away liberty but always!!! For a reason based on actions. The person took what didn’t belong to them, hurt someone, drove drunk or high (usually both) and so one. Proper policing is always action based with the goal being a change of behavior. That’s how it’s supposed to work in my book at least. When because of actions a persons liberty is taken away they have the physical restraint of handcuffs, the physical presence of an officer or correctional officer watching them, the reality of being in a building with doors and locks they do not control.
A great crime has been committed against rank and file humans. For no illegal actions on the part of the citizen, our freedom to go and do has been revoked. It is temporarily returned but the cognitive dissolve begins with knowing those who caused it still “rule” and I say that because of our assumptions of our elected leaders carrying out a temporary job of stewardship and service has been betrayed, and they are still in power so how can we go back to a normal that didn’t really exist? We took the normal that should be for granted, we have to make sure somehow it is upheld by new people in power before any return to feeing normal.
Also, the incarnation double take. The prison was our own home, our own electronic communication device, and the discovery how deeply open to being mislead our own family members and friends are. Any relaxing return to “normal “ must instead be looked up as guarded vigilance. Celebrate the shrew community you have closed to grow. Look forward to it growing more still. Hold out hope and love for mislead friends and family but a YouTube video on Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s theory of stupidly suggests that only the mislead can let themselves out of the prison they are in.
Keep your light on air, it shines farther and upon more people than you realize.
Aug 27, 2022·edited Aug 27, 2022Liked by Todd Hayen, PhD, RP
My best friend: maybe talked three times in two years. His sister: I wasn't invited to her wedding.
My parents: My dad won't talk to me anymore. I'm an only child. They moved out of my childhood home last year and wanted me to help. They demanded I get vaxxed. I said no. Here we are.
My circle of friends and colleagues: I'm persona non grata.
Speaking of musical theater: I was staying in Chelsea, NYC (W22nd and 5th) when 9/11 happened. I got on the northbound subway to get to a morning rehearsal in Times Square and wondered why people were on their cell phones. Didn't they know there's no reception down there? I got to rehearsal and saw the second tower collapse.
Corrupt war mongers (who probably captured America in '63) murdered 3000 people on a random Tuesday morning, then killed 3 million Muslims, and then got away with it for twenty years.
But as though that wasn't depressing enough, anybody I talk to thinks I'm crazy lol.
So, yeah, I get it.
BUT! It's sites like yours that make it all worth it. To hear Peter McCullough say "I think there's something wrong with our mainstream media," makes it all worth it. To know that we're living in an inflection point in human history...WOW! I mean, few people would *choose* to go on a roller coaster that will probably kill you, but we were born into this! Not to demean the conversation with a pop culture reference, but there was a great character on the tv show Vikings, who kept going to battles and was depressed every time he didn't get killed. He was very old and just wanted to die in battle to go to Valhalla. But he was too good of a warrior lol. Maybe we need some of that spirit: to know we are on the front lines in a WAR FOR HUMANITY. Bring it.
And I believe we are in a place where deep, inward, personal spiritual yearning for truth and meaning in life has been vilified with ideology-defining tribalism, to the extreme on both sides. It’s, in my opinion, the most base form of instinctual survival. It’s certainly not living. How do we return to ourselves, from where the truth lies? When we’ve sunken to the lowest of our animal nature will we lift our eyes and see who we really are?
Oh wow! I thought I was the only alien here! You echo so many of my thoughts and emotions. I don’t even fully trust my thinking at this point; my soul believes I’m on track and aware, but outwardly I feel, based on the feedback I receive from others that my mind betrays “me” and I feel I don’t belong to any tribe of humans at this state in time. This quick explanation is very rustic, I see as I write it, and you may see me as disturbed. I am disturbed. I’m depressed, deflated, dehumanized and totally lonely in my feeling of separateness from those around me. I think perhaps if I were to just stop reading about things, perhaps I could, in time, just roll with the life illusion as so many of whom I term “sheep” seem to do. But my soul knows I can never un-know that of which I’m clearly aware. I tell myself I have no right or authority to believe I’m more aware or informed than “the other side” as they claim I’m a conspiracy theorist and I follow radical idiots. I get the eye rolls if I mention anything I’ve learned. My personal life and relationships have been diminished to speaking only of shallow nothingness; the “shrews” who bought into it and discovered too late their misstep can’t admit it and just don’t want to think about it. And the “sheep” are too invested to even consider opening their eyes and minds and must stay true to their ideological tribe for their survival. I truly feel like I no longer have a place to be.
It feels like I live in a Twilight Zone episode. We have a small cabin in Minden on a lake. I have known most of the neighbours for decades and last year was absolute vaccine apartheid. They wouldn’t speak to us and avoided us like the plague. They all got together for social events and we were left by ourselves - absolute scapegoats. This year, even though vaccine mandates are dropped and everyone can freely associate, they still avoid us. So now the bandwagon concept is fully active. They are part of the vaccinated tribe and to be the one to break that and talk to us, probably feels too dangerous. They had to avoid us last year because the TV told them we could kill them, and now if they included us, they would have to admit that they were wrong. But that would make their behaviour inconsistent indicating that they were crazy -and we can’t have that! So they keep the psycho drama going. They would rather be stupid than feel stupid.
Also, we attended an amateur production of Mama Mia in Bancroft the other day. It is a very fun show, but I was choking back tears just experiencing how much of the normal joy of life has been destroyed by the luciferian death cult that seems to run the world. The world feels like a cosmic madhouse.
I believe most shrews have similar experiences and feel more or less the same. Like Mark, who posted before me, I also lost my job for not being "vaccinated". Most of the friends and activities I have lost have not been because they "explicitly" told me I was "unclean"... but there is an implicit fear of socializing, going to places... Like you, Todd, I have lost a lot of interest in going to concerts, restaurants..restaurants, etc even after they have become "less restrictive".
You asked if others felt as you. Yes, it's as if taste for life has become stale and not worth the chewing. I practiced medicine for 32 years and in Feb was fired for not vaxxing or wearing a mask. Cold fury is hard to swallow.
Mark Vossler MD
Me too Todd.. although Stratford is up and running, and I used to go regularly, when I read “we respectfully request, in order to protect the actors, you wear a mask” I loose all interest. HOWERER, a friend went recently to see Hamlet and tapped her neighbour on the shoulder to ask if he minded if she didn’t were hers, to find him also barefaced!
You are not alone. Although this is the most meaningful event of my life, it has erased so many other forms of meaning that I too float through the days like a ghost. Often now I forget what happened, in a very cursory way, but enough so that when I start to berate myself about my isolation, the memory of the world returns like a small comfort that then pierces the heart.
I think a sense of betrayal is at the root of my own reluctance to "rejoin" society, as well as the frequent need to stand sideways and pretend to be part of the program. I always thought that in some sense the Spirit could act through institutions, and be aligned with various creative endeavors. Now I harbor no such delusions. My God turned out not to be one of compromise.
I know no one in person who shares my views -- not that I know of, anyway. I am haunted right now in particular by the absence of my former best friend who joined with the other people in our social circle to ostracize me for my position. He has moved to a new house and I am afraid I have taken to driving by it when I am out, and wondering what was amiss in my mind all those years -- my notion of what it means to love someone, or what people need to stay sane. The word that comes to my mind regarding the shrew position is anomie...perhaps it is time to revisit Camus. We must somehow find meaning. Please do keep sharing your experiences.
My situation is similar. No real friends left-- real in the sense of true, and also meaning 2D+, although I truly value those online and not-yet-met personally.
Those with whom there was interaction and history seem to be reporting from another dimension now, similar to this one but lacking in detail, texture and perceptual depth. Or that’s how I see it. Curiosity has been trained out of them, very fine filters installed, and everything said is non-essential. That’s me being intolerant. I’m really not interested in being around them.
Either, I should say, since there aren't any invitations.
What has shocked me most is the “I do not want to know” attitude of my peer group— professional communicators with epic world experience within the concrete silo of contemporary art practice. The entire professional scene is overwoke, obsessed with self-image, careerism, identity politics and begging for stronger censorship laws against right wing racist delusional antivaxxer bigot idiot science deniers like me.
Glad this is the private space.
For decades I engaged in sociopolitical topics with installation and performance works.
PANOPTICON, a dance/audiovisual collaboration at the Winchester St Theatre in Toronto, was a response to 911. I used a video system borrowed from a shopping mall to cover every part of the theatre with surveillance cameras, projected live onto screens, TVs on-set, the performers… A soundscape rotated around the room— even under the seats--from speakers everywhere. Choreography for 12 dancers by Bill James. And so on. I’m still proud of it. It had great reviews in major outlets, was rated in the top 10 theatre events of the year, and everyone, forewarned, went home and got on with their lives...
I moved to the East coast after several more shows because I could see and feel it all worsening, had lost any thoughts of making a difference, and wanted to hunker down with people who knew what bullshit was and how to live without it. Covid showed I was a bit delusional about that, as it turned out; the recalibration is ongoing.
All that to say that expanding effort to influence, to help, to alter what looks inevitable unless more wake up is exhausting, and the dull feeling one has when the response is inaction, silence, or fear— anger, derision, diffidence and that whole spectrum— the sane response is to shut down and regroup, whether the impulse is rational or instinctive.
I don’t care if I ever make another work or do another show, or talk to another artist or even see another gallery or theatre. Not caring is quite liberating. It's the serenity prayer --the wisdom to know the difference between what can and can't be changed.
I’m really enjoying reading essays and articles, listening to talks and interviews, and communing on substack. Maybe that’s weird, but that’s the way it is, a bizarre situation, and, although I’m still attempting to withold belief from the idea that the sky is falling, I’m spending more time filling pantry shelves with home grown condiments (whatever happens, there will be pickled beets) (with rosemary and juniper berries) than art work.
I can’t stop being, thinking, doing, but there is no longer an outlet for my output unless I’m willing to self-censor, recant and inject, OR build some independent way and means, which is such a fun and crazy idea I’m considering building a sculpture to live in my house because I’ve assembled most of the materials and why should I stop because they aren’t interested? Belligerence can also work for you.
It is all fairly hilarious if you can, even momentarily, get irrationally Buddhist about it.
In Buddhist practice, it’s all an illusion and compassionate detachment is sublime. All those things are true.
I feel mostly the same as you here. Maybe even worse. I lost any purpose in life since months if not years. But for sure since the "convid" hysteria started I feel like I'm dead inside without anything that could improve or help how I feel about it. Seeing what the world outside had become makes me sick. Not only the convid crap shit, but everything that turns around. People just took back their lives just like nothing happened and with everyday a tiny bit of their freedom getting away, like a grain of sand getting away into the wind that is soon becoming a storm. But they don't see it. They don't give a shit about it. We are crazy because they don't want to ear about our warnings. We are fools. I don't want to see these people anymore, just acting like puppets unaware of the reality of the world they're living in (they seem to love that life anyway). Well, I never was a very sociable person, I never felt at my place in this society, but since 2 years, I became completely unsocial. I stay home doing my stuff without any purpose, just waiting time to pass and the end to come. Most of the time I wish I'd never awake on the mornings. What for? Why would I want to wake up? We're clearly entering a dystopian era in the total indifference of the masses. Everything is under control, laws, duty, mandatory, prohibited. Cameras are everywhere. After all, if we have nothing to hide, why would we care (irony)? The trend is now to be vegan, to drive a trottinette (Not sure the English word here?? Google translates this by "Electric scooters"), to be a climate goer, a tolerance goer (while spitting on those who thinks otherwise), spitting on white straight men (we are responsible of all the misery of the world. Some loves to flagellate themselves) and so on. If we drive our car, we are ashamed by the community, we are destroying the planet, same goes if we use a plastic bag and a plastic drinking straw (carboard straws are so "great". Joking, it's awful). I live in Brussels and believe me, you don't want to go here anymore. Please, tourists, don't come here anymore, the city is dead, nothing attractive here anymore, they killed it during the past 5 years. When I see what they did to my city I want to cry. Car is banished, they almost grow beets on the streets... when you're not hit by a trotinette around vegan shops. They cut the trees for the climate (!). We are guilty, we are infantilized. Well, that's all for now. People hate me because I'm always so "negative". But how could you be positive when you see what the world is becoming outside? To me, it's like a awakened nightmare and it's getting worse everyday. I am an hypersensitive person, so I feel things deeper than anyone else. And this is becoming unbearable. To my opinion, the asocial medias have a great responsibility for all of this shit. They're all like junkies unable to stay away of their phones taking selfies and photos of their diner while creating insane polemics for someone that didn't fart the proper way. Those people are the "normal" people now. I want to puke. I feel stuck, I suffocate without any chance of getting outside of this. Phone-like technology is killing humanity. The covid didn't kill me (Yes, I had it, not much of a big deal...) but the convid is killing me day after day.
I'm sorry to hear how you're struggling! I just wanted to say I think you put into words beautifully what a lot of people, myself included, have been feeling. Given your background, Im sure you know all the cliches and solutions to try to ignite the fire of your soul... so all I wanna say is your Shrews support you !! Don't let "the machine" swallow you from the inside out
Sorry for the misspelling! It was supposed to be “caused” to grow, and sir instead of “air”....don’t know how to edit a comment!!
Good afternoon sir!!
I’m north of the border in Penticton for Ironman tomorrow. If you were here coffee would be on me and I would try not to say repeatedly how honored I would be to meet you.
I get the graying out of what once was so enjoyable, and the incarnation reference to a right on. I’m a police officer and have had to take away liberty but always!!! For a reason based on actions. The person took what didn’t belong to them, hurt someone, drove drunk or high (usually both) and so one. Proper policing is always action based with the goal being a change of behavior. That’s how it’s supposed to work in my book at least. When because of actions a persons liberty is taken away they have the physical restraint of handcuffs, the physical presence of an officer or correctional officer watching them, the reality of being in a building with doors and locks they do not control.
A great crime has been committed against rank and file humans. For no illegal actions on the part of the citizen, our freedom to go and do has been revoked. It is temporarily returned but the cognitive dissolve begins with knowing those who caused it still “rule” and I say that because of our assumptions of our elected leaders carrying out a temporary job of stewardship and service has been betrayed, and they are still in power so how can we go back to a normal that didn’t really exist? We took the normal that should be for granted, we have to make sure somehow it is upheld by new people in power before any return to feeing normal.
Also, the incarnation double take. The prison was our own home, our own electronic communication device, and the discovery how deeply open to being mislead our own family members and friends are. Any relaxing return to “normal “ must instead be looked up as guarded vigilance. Celebrate the shrew community you have closed to grow. Look forward to it growing more still. Hold out hope and love for mislead friends and family but a YouTube video on Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s theory of stupidly suggests that only the mislead can let themselves out of the prison they are in.
Keep your light on air, it shines farther and upon more people than you realize.
My best friend: maybe talked three times in two years. His sister: I wasn't invited to her wedding.
My parents: My dad won't talk to me anymore. I'm an only child. They moved out of my childhood home last year and wanted me to help. They demanded I get vaxxed. I said no. Here we are.
My circle of friends and colleagues: I'm persona non grata.
Robert Malone is feeling the pain, too.
https://rwmalonemd.substack.com/p/california-here-they-go
Speaking of musical theater: I was staying in Chelsea, NYC (W22nd and 5th) when 9/11 happened. I got on the northbound subway to get to a morning rehearsal in Times Square and wondered why people were on their cell phones. Didn't they know there's no reception down there? I got to rehearsal and saw the second tower collapse.
Corrupt war mongers (who probably captured America in '63) murdered 3000 people on a random Tuesday morning, then killed 3 million Muslims, and then got away with it for twenty years.
But as though that wasn't depressing enough, anybody I talk to thinks I'm crazy lol.
So, yeah, I get it.
BUT! It's sites like yours that make it all worth it. To hear Peter McCullough say "I think there's something wrong with our mainstream media," makes it all worth it. To know that we're living in an inflection point in human history...WOW! I mean, few people would *choose* to go on a roller coaster that will probably kill you, but we were born into this! Not to demean the conversation with a pop culture reference, but there was a great character on the tv show Vikings, who kept going to battles and was depressed every time he didn't get killed. He was very old and just wanted to die in battle to go to Valhalla. But he was too good of a warrior lol. Maybe we need some of that spirit: to know we are on the front lines in a WAR FOR HUMANITY. Bring it.
And I believe we are in a place where deep, inward, personal spiritual yearning for truth and meaning in life has been vilified with ideology-defining tribalism, to the extreme on both sides. It’s, in my opinion, the most base form of instinctual survival. It’s certainly not living. How do we return to ourselves, from where the truth lies? When we’ve sunken to the lowest of our animal nature will we lift our eyes and see who we really are?
Oh wow! I thought I was the only alien here! You echo so many of my thoughts and emotions. I don’t even fully trust my thinking at this point; my soul believes I’m on track and aware, but outwardly I feel, based on the feedback I receive from others that my mind betrays “me” and I feel I don’t belong to any tribe of humans at this state in time. This quick explanation is very rustic, I see as I write it, and you may see me as disturbed. I am disturbed. I’m depressed, deflated, dehumanized and totally lonely in my feeling of separateness from those around me. I think perhaps if I were to just stop reading about things, perhaps I could, in time, just roll with the life illusion as so many of whom I term “sheep” seem to do. But my soul knows I can never un-know that of which I’m clearly aware. I tell myself I have no right or authority to believe I’m more aware or informed than “the other side” as they claim I’m a conspiracy theorist and I follow radical idiots. I get the eye rolls if I mention anything I’ve learned. My personal life and relationships have been diminished to speaking only of shallow nothingness; the “shrews” who bought into it and discovered too late their misstep can’t admit it and just don’t want to think about it. And the “sheep” are too invested to even consider opening their eyes and minds and must stay true to their ideological tribe for their survival. I truly feel like I no longer have a place to be.